Wow, Am I really a Grandma?

Actually it's Marmie. Years ago my ex-hubby & I decided to be Marmie & Pops, a loving tribute to the grandparents I adored & wanted so much to emulate. Of course we decided this years ago, long before we would ever be grandparents, or so we thought. Seven months ago my 21 year old son & his girlfriend irrevocably changed our lives.

For almost a year I've been planning to sell my house, move to France to be with one of my oldest & closest friends, my son's godmother. My precious daughter, who has had her difficult moments raising but all in all has been nothing but a joy, graduates high school in May. We've been discussing her future while I'm gone. We've talked about college, her moving in with her father, our last vacation to France together. I think she & her dad have looked forward to living together for a bit. He missed out on a lot while the children were growing up, but that's for another day.

When James, my son, dropped his little bomb I went through so many different emotions, sadness for both him & Jennie, his girlfriend, at the youth they were losing, the milestones we parents were losing, disappointment that these two unbelievably smart, almost genius kids, were tossing away a future filled with such promise, & even selfishly a resentment that I would now have to change my plans for the future. I did everything backwards. I became a parent in my late teens & wanted to be the best parent ever. I liked to think of myself as June Cleaver, June Cleaver of a rather dysfunctional clan.

But when James informed me of their pregnancy I was done. I was looking forward to finally putting myself first. I mean it seems like I've spent my whole life taking care of others. I love my children, they've been everything to me always, but I've been ready to live life for me. And I wasn't going to let this get in my way. I figured I'd spend the next six months talking to my new granddaughter, wow!, in french, building a little bond between us.

But then I walked into the birthing suite just after Jaida Renee was born. Apparently they don't do delivery rooms anymore. With one look at that wet, pink, wailing body, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave her any time soon. I burst into tears, hugged my son, whom I hadn't even spoken to in almost three months & knew my life had changed almost as drastically as when I gave birth to her father.