I know its been awhile since I last wrote. Work, my daughter, maintaining the house. Everything kind of gets in the way. Maybe just another example of how out of place I am as a grandma. I mean, seriously, most grandmothers are sure to make time to talk about their precious ones.
And I do talk about mon petite chou ( I found out when I earlier wrote Ma petite chou I was incorrect) I love her more than I can say. Every day she's in my thoughts & I wish I could see her. Every morning I make sure to splash myself in green tea parfume from france just in case I see her. I'm trying to make sure every time I see her I smell the same, kind of conditioning her.
Anyway since I last posted my son called & asked me to babysit. I was so happy! My exhubby rushed over to see our precious little baby. He hasn't seen her since the day she was born. He was so happy to hold her & she was so comfy in his arms. He's going to be a wonderful grandfather, Pops. One of my closest friends, Peg, came over & sat w/us just watching that special bundle. To her she's family. I'm so blessed to have such great friends.
It was a great evening. I was happy to just hold her & give her a bottle. As much as I loved being a mother & holding my babies this is so different. It's all about the pleasure now, she's not my responsibiliy just mine to love & spoil & I love that.
But even as I hold her & watch her sleeping it's hard to believe she's my GRANDDAUGHTER! My best friends are just having babies. It was difficult going through life hearing 'You have a child!'. I never thought my children would do the same thing.
And then take into account that the week before I baby sat for mon petite chou, my granddaughter, I went w/a group of friends to see Sweet Charity staring Molly Ringwald. It was really great. That has always been one of my favorites. My freshman year in highschool that play was the first one our drama class put on. And Molly was great!
I'm so happy that she's found a spot on broadway. As a teenager she was one of us. The average girl who went through everything we did but always ended up w/the great life. After the show I decided I wanted to go tell her how happy I was for her. I told the others w/me we should follow the two cast members in the lobby back to the dressing rooms.
Quickly, quickly, I insisted rushing behind the disappearing backs. We got all the way to the orchestra pit but by then the cast members were gone. I had thought there would be a door to the dressing rooms but apparently you had to go back stage. I hesitated at the edge of the stage. Looking behind me I saw a group of, I hate to say middleage people but sadly it seems acurate, watching me.
One of the girls even said, I'll follow you if you go. But at that moment I realized I didn't have it in me to do it. I thought poor Molly probably had lots of nutty fans wanting to wish her well. Plus I worried about getting arrested. As we walked away some people were saying how impressive it was I got this particular group to follow me.
As we left the theatre I thought about how much of a groupie I had just acted like. I enjoyed it & I would have enjoyed it even more if I'd had the spine to pull back the stage curtain, go find Molly Ringwald & tell her how much she meant to me & my generation. And then I thought, again, how can I be a grandma when I feel like such a juvenile?
Monday, March 26, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Yay! I saw my baby today!
Today I went to visit ma petite chou! She's even more beautiful than I remembered. I know it's only been a week since I saw her but it seems so much longer! As usual I was late getting there. Jennie's little sister was having her birthday party today so I didn't want to interfere with that.
When I got there Jaida was sleeping in Jennie's arms. Jennie by the way looks great. Her belly is completely gone & you would never believe she just gave birth a week ago. I held Jaida the whole time I was there. She slept like a little angel in my arms. It was so hard to leave her! I really felt like I wanted to cry.
I told them I had started this blog. When I said the title Jennie's mom laughed. She said she'd been hearing that quite a bit, how could she be a grandma? Of course she would, she's young & gorgeous with a 10 year old at home!
After our visit I went to have my taxes done. I tried doing it myself online but my return was going to be less than half of what I'd received in the past few years so I figured it was best to pay more & hopefully get a bigger return, which I did. The accountant was completely stunned to learn I had two nearly grown children. He even started talking his son up to me. I can't even imagine his reaction if I'd informed him I was now a grandmother!
Oh well. After all these years reacting to the surprise people have learning the age of my children seeing their reaction at learning I'm now a grandmother should be nothing!
When I got there Jaida was sleeping in Jennie's arms. Jennie by the way looks great. Her belly is completely gone & you would never believe she just gave birth a week ago. I held Jaida the whole time I was there. She slept like a little angel in my arms. It was so hard to leave her! I really felt like I wanted to cry.
I told them I had started this blog. When I said the title Jennie's mom laughed. She said she'd been hearing that quite a bit, how could she be a grandma? Of course she would, she's young & gorgeous with a 10 year old at home!
After our visit I went to have my taxes done. I tried doing it myself online but my return was going to be less than half of what I'd received in the past few years so I figured it was best to pay more & hopefully get a bigger return, which I did. The accountant was completely stunned to learn I had two nearly grown children. He even started talking his son up to me. I can't even imagine his reaction if I'd informed him I was now a grandmother!
Oh well. After all these years reacting to the surprise people have learning the age of my children seeing their reaction at learning I'm now a grandmother should be nothing!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
What's Important
Tonight after work I was hanging out with my friends at the store across the plaza from my shop.This is the first chance I've had to show off the pictures of ma petite chou other than the ones on my phone. I've worked in this plaza for four years but have only recently become close friends with the girls across the way. And they really have become great friends. Last Saturday, when ma peitite chou was coming into the world, Lara noticed I had left. She text'd me right away making sure I was ok. When I saw her Sunday & told her about James having a baby she actually got tears in her eyes. Wednesday Sandra, one of the other girls gave me a dress for Jaida, though I hadn't even told her. And Friday, the first time I'd seen Lara all week she gave me a precious stuffed bunny for the baby.
Neither of these girls have ever met my son. I'd never even mentioned the pregnancy to them. It was just too much of a struggle for me to share with many people. It sounds so silly but I still get the shocked face when I inform some people I have a 21 year old son & a 17 year old daughter. I was very young when I had them &, thankfully, I look much younger than I really am. But to now say I was expecting a granddaughter was very difficult for me. Plus so many other issues go into it. But here they were giving love & support in their simple gesture.
I am blessed with amazing friends & a loving mother that knows all too well what I'm going through thanks to me. My friends have supported & loved me through many difficult times. Without them I don't know how I could've come through this, but these new friends showed me in a way that I might not have listened to from my core group, though they always said it, this is a time of rejoicing not judging. And that is exactly what my heart is doing!
Neither of these girls have ever met my son. I'd never even mentioned the pregnancy to them. It was just too much of a struggle for me to share with many people. It sounds so silly but I still get the shocked face when I inform some people I have a 21 year old son & a 17 year old daughter. I was very young when I had them &, thankfully, I look much younger than I really am. But to now say I was expecting a granddaughter was very difficult for me. Plus so many other issues go into it. But here they were giving love & support in their simple gesture.
I am blessed with amazing friends & a loving mother that knows all too well what I'm going through thanks to me. My friends have supported & loved me through many difficult times. Without them I don't know how I could've come through this, but these new friends showed me in a way that I might not have listened to from my core group, though they always said it, this is a time of rejoicing not judging. And that is exactly what my heart is doing!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Thinking of Ma Petite Chou
It's Friday night, this time last week I was waiting for ma petite chou (my little darling) to make her entrance. I've been learning french for a little over a year & I'm determined ma petite chou will speak fluent french. Goes back to my wanting to move to france. During these past seven months I've had dreams of sharing a home in france with my friend Pam, who happens to be Jamie's godmother. I guess that makes her a great godmother now, though really she's always been that.
In my dreams Jaida Renee comes to spend the summers with her Marmie. Of course when she's very little her parents come along but as she gets older her Tatie Jac, though Jac is insisting on being Aunt Jackie, brings her. She has a sweet little room she shares with Caitlin, Pam's young daughter. Marmie & Jaida spend time bonding together. Of course she speaks better french than her Marmie because children pick up languages so much easier than adults.
Over the past few months I've purchased videos, books, & cd's all in french. On ebay I even found a Beatrix Potter book in french. I love Beatrix Potter. I'm going to do my best to surround her in french when she spends time with us. But that's the thing, how much time will she spend with us?
Due to circumstances Jennie lives at home with her parents. Not to mention we are the family of the father of the baby. I've found that in most cases, not always, the mother's family is usually closer to the new family. Our family has always been very close but lately things have been strained with James. Right now I'm actually feeling a little lost as to where we fit in. And I'm surprised at the depth of heartache I feel at not seeing that precious little face every day.
Sunday we go visit ma petite chou for the first time since she came home from the hospital. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again, speak a little french to her, & continue to forge a bond with her. Until then I wait like a little one waiting for Christmas.
In my dreams Jaida Renee comes to spend the summers with her Marmie. Of course when she's very little her parents come along but as she gets older her Tatie Jac, though Jac is insisting on being Aunt Jackie, brings her. She has a sweet little room she shares with Caitlin, Pam's young daughter. Marmie & Jaida spend time bonding together. Of course she speaks better french than her Marmie because children pick up languages so much easier than adults.
Over the past few months I've purchased videos, books, & cd's all in french. On ebay I even found a Beatrix Potter book in french. I love Beatrix Potter. I'm going to do my best to surround her in french when she spends time with us. But that's the thing, how much time will she spend with us?
Due to circumstances Jennie lives at home with her parents. Not to mention we are the family of the father of the baby. I've found that in most cases, not always, the mother's family is usually closer to the new family. Our family has always been very close but lately things have been strained with James. Right now I'm actually feeling a little lost as to where we fit in. And I'm surprised at the depth of heartache I feel at not seeing that precious little face every day.
Sunday we go visit ma petite chou for the first time since she came home from the hospital. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again, speak a little french to her, & continue to forge a bond with her. Until then I wait like a little one waiting for Christmas.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wow, Am I really a Grandma?
Actually it's Marmie. Years ago my ex-hubby & I decided to be Marmie & Pops, a loving tribute to the grandparents I adored & wanted so much to emulate. Of course we decided this years ago, long before we would ever be grandparents, or so we thought. Seven months ago my 21 year old son & his girlfriend irrevocably changed our lives.
For almost a year I've been planning to sell my house, move to France to be with one of my oldest & closest friends, my son's godmother. My precious daughter, who has had her difficult moments raising but all in all has been nothing but a joy, graduates high school in May. We've been discussing her future while I'm gone. We've talked about college, her moving in with her father, our last vacation to France together. I think she & her dad have looked forward to living together for a bit. He missed out on a lot while the children were growing up, but that's for another day.
When James, my son, dropped his little bomb I went through so many different emotions, sadness for both him & Jennie, his girlfriend, at the youth they were losing, the milestones we parents were losing, disappointment that these two unbelievably smart, almost genius kids, were tossing away a future filled with such promise, & even selfishly a resentment that I would now have to change my plans for the future. I did everything backwards. I became a parent in my late teens & wanted to be the best parent ever. I liked to think of myself as June Cleaver, June Cleaver of a rather dysfunctional clan.
But when James informed me of their pregnancy I was done. I was looking forward to finally putting myself first. I mean it seems like I've spent my whole life taking care of others. I love my children, they've been everything to me always, but I've been ready to live life for me. And I wasn't going to let this get in my way. I figured I'd spend the next six months talking to my new granddaughter, wow!, in french, building a little bond between us.
But then I walked into the birthing suite just after Jaida Renee was born. Apparently they don't do delivery rooms anymore. With one look at that wet, pink, wailing body, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave her any time soon. I burst into tears, hugged my son, whom I hadn't even spoken to in almost three months & knew my life had changed almost as drastically as when I gave birth to her father.
For almost a year I've been planning to sell my house, move to France to be with one of my oldest & closest friends, my son's godmother. My precious daughter, who has had her difficult moments raising but all in all has been nothing but a joy, graduates high school in May. We've been discussing her future while I'm gone. We've talked about college, her moving in with her father, our last vacation to France together. I think she & her dad have looked forward to living together for a bit. He missed out on a lot while the children were growing up, but that's for another day.
When James, my son, dropped his little bomb I went through so many different emotions, sadness for both him & Jennie, his girlfriend, at the youth they were losing, the milestones we parents were losing, disappointment that these two unbelievably smart, almost genius kids, were tossing away a future filled with such promise, & even selfishly a resentment that I would now have to change my plans for the future. I did everything backwards. I became a parent in my late teens & wanted to be the best parent ever. I liked to think of myself as June Cleaver, June Cleaver of a rather dysfunctional clan.
But when James informed me of their pregnancy I was done. I was looking forward to finally putting myself first. I mean it seems like I've spent my whole life taking care of others. I love my children, they've been everything to me always, but I've been ready to live life for me. And I wasn't going to let this get in my way. I figured I'd spend the next six months talking to my new granddaughter, wow!, in french, building a little bond between us.
But then I walked into the birthing suite just after Jaida Renee was born. Apparently they don't do delivery rooms anymore. With one look at that wet, pink, wailing body, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave her any time soon. I burst into tears, hugged my son, whom I hadn't even spoken to in almost three months & knew my life had changed almost as drastically as when I gave birth to her father.
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